Saying Goodbye
by lozzlove
Summary: Draco has died and Harry is moving out. As he packs he remembers...


**Authors Note: Just something I came up with when I couldn't sleep. No flames please. I don't own Harry Potter. **

It feels weird finally packing all of my stuff. As I look around the almost empty room I don't know what to think, to feel. I'd forgotten how much dust our past has left. As I packed up each little thing I remembered a new memory of you and me, some good, some bad. Some of the memories I had forgotten even existed for they had faded so far into blurry sea that is my mind. I had not realised how hard this last step would be, after fighting through all the others, this almost broke me, uncovering the forgotten trinkets, the ring from that crisp April morning. The way your hair looked even whiter framed against a darking sky. The passing glimpse of fear graced your features as I approached. It had been a long time since our last meeting. Your guard went up and the smirk came down, the reflex action from as long as you can remember.

"Before you say a cutting remark, just know that I don't hate you, I never have, never will." I say, spreading my palms open by my sides so that you would not think it as a trick. If I did not know you so well I would've missed the second of shock that passed through your eyes before you schooled your expression back into place.

"What do you want then, if it isn't to hurt me, to show me that I'm nothing in the wizarding world? What do you want if you don't want to break me, to demonstrate your power, to taunt me with the things I used to have? Can't you see that that has already been done? Can't you see that I am only a shell of what I once was?"

Your skin was so pale I was scared you were going to faint, your eyes were haunted abandoning their cool expression. You ran your hands through your hair, the first time I had seen it out of place. The way you looked at me, so terrified and alone all I wanted was to cuddle you, to make your pain go away. I took a step towards you; you took one step back, your look of fear increasing.

"Draco."

That one word startled you, bringing your eyes back to mine. They were so clear, I could see right to your very soul, the broken man you were. I stood still as you watched me, trying to work out what I was doing, what I was planning. I stared right back into your eyes, holding nothing back, needing you to see that I meant you no harm, how could I ever mean you harm? There must have been something in my eyes that day that made you believe I wasn't going to hurt you as you gave up fighting, you crumpled, your legs giving out as I ran to you, catching you just before you hit the ground holding you close as you sobbed into my shoulder. It was at that moment that I vowed to never leave you, never make you feel so alone you can't breathe for the pain in your chest is too great. I slipped my ring off my finger onto yours, a silent promise to you, you must have understood for you hugged me tighter. I don't know how long we were there in the middle of the path that April day.

I'm snapped back to the present by the sound of the birds outside. I cross to the window watching them fly high in the sky as another memory floats to the surface. The exhilaration on your face as we zoom through the clouds, racing to get to our secret forest, the one only we know about. We ducked and dived around each other, showing off in our usual way but there was no longer a fearsome hate driving through each of us that made us want to beat the other. That fire had been extinguished long ago. Now there was just the thrill of flying with each other. The laughter as a particularly impressive stunt was achieved. We flew for what seemed like hours but was really only a little bit. I could never know the time around you; it changed to often for me to judge. When we finally reached our forest we collapsed on the floor, each silent in his own musings. The sounds of the forest were soothing to our ears and neither of us were willing to break the silence. I can't remember how long we lay there together on the floor unmoving but it was dark by the time we spoke.

As I turn the record player on it plays your favourite song, still left there from the last time you played it. I remember when I bought it. You looked at it with disgust for it was a muggle object. It wasn't until I played you this song that you fell in love with the record player, maybe even in love with me that night. We danced on the porch in the moon light, starring into each other's eyes. I murmured the words to the song along with the singer. You closed your eyes and I pulled you in closer as you let the music carry you away.

Cleaning out one of the draws I found that book Draco. The one in which you wrote every single thought and feeling you ever had, how you hid that during the war I will never know, how you had the courage to write down everything during the war I will never know either. You were stronger than you gave yourself credit for. I remember when you showed it to me for the first time. Your eyes so trusting, showing a part of you that no one else had ever seen before. You asked if I wanted to read it. You have no idea how tempted I was dear one, to read to the very depths of your soul, your every thought and action. You will never know how much it took for me to say no, to not have a peak into your small ordinary looking book. You will never know that the reason I didn't look is because I didn't want to use it against you if we ever had a fight. You've never seen that side of me, the dark side where the evil monster preside and take over my brain. I was scared that if I looked in your book I would use it against you.

I stare at the first photograph of us ever taken. Hermione took it at our first Christmas at the Burrow. You were so nervous that night; you almost did a runner on me. I'm lucky I can home just as you were about to floo away. I grabbed your arm, my heartbreaking as it was clear you were leaving me.

"Don't Draco, please." I managed to sob out unable to look at you for the fear of seeing your eyes normally so cold full of rejection.

"They will never accept us Harry. I have done too much damage that I will never be able to repair."

"Please." I whispered. "Please stay."

You stayed, and the look on your face when we showed up and Molly gave you the biggest hug you had ever received will be imprinted on my mind forever. The surprise and joy that radiated from your face was beautiful to see and I had tears in my eyes from the radiance. You looked at me, your head resting on Molly's shoulder and peace flooded through me. I knew everything was going to be alright.

Hermione was over today, checking up on me, making sure I was still breathing. It was nice to see her. It feels longer than it has been since I've last seen her. I can never repay Hermione for her kindness and bravery. All the times she stood up for me, for us when we first came out. The accusations that you'd brain washed me, that I'd gone mad. People used to try and hex us in the street, just because we weren't following their expectations, the life they'd made out for us. She stood strong and firm, the calm in the storm for our lives. At her and Ron's house we could be us. No 'saviour', no 'ex death eater' just Draco and Harry. Now she checks up on me all the time. She makes sure I'm eating, functioning. She listens to me when I cry, she hugs me when I need to be hugged.

Draco I miss you, I miss you every miserable day, I am nothing without you. I feel like a big hole has been ripped out of my chest. I'm moving house because it's time. It's time for someone else to make their own happy memories in our house. I will never ever move on from you Draco but time is passing and I know you would not want me to waste my life. So as I pack the last box and take my last look around the house that you and I shared, our house. I say my final goodbye to your grave stone, you are with me always, your flesh is rotted in the ground, I know I'll never be back. I hop into my car and with a final look in my rear-view mirror, I say my final goodbye and I love you.


End file.
